2019, whew, what a freaking year. I couldn’t sum up last year in one word if I even attempted to and that is incredibly ok. However, if 2019 taught me anything, it is that I need to find some balance.
I am a big fan of picking a word or phrase that I focus on. I feel like that helps me become a better wife, mother, teacher, businesswoman and person in general. In 2019 I chose a phrase, “Here For It”, and boy was I. I didn’t necessarily want to focus on one word, I wanted to just be, to take it all in, to allow myself to do whatever was presented to me and to live out loud.
2019 was full of travel from the most out of the blue incredible invite to Spring Training with Toyota, to a BIG Texas family road trip where we visited The Alamo, The San Antonio Zoo and Sea World. From there we traveled all over Colorado camping and at the beginning of summer we were invited to Beaches Turks and Caicos for Social Media on the Sand. We did some couples getaways to Turks and Caicos (more on that soon) and to a cute little bed in breakfast here in Colorado. We also took the kids to Great Wolf Lodge. It was a lot of travel, but that is part of why I write this blog. It is to chronicle our life, our experiences, our memories and to travel with those kids. To help them see the world near and far and experience everything we can.
When I reflect back on my year writing and running this little blog business, I can definitively say that it was absolutely our most successful and busy year yet. We are EXTREMELY blessed and honored to work with the companies, brands and agencies that we do and that is never lost on us. If you would have told me at the beginning of 2019 that I would be sent to hang out with the Broncos or that I would personally be remodeling my kitchen or that I would have a post go super viral, I would have NEVER believed you. It was a year of “Holy Shit Is this Even Real Life”, being screamed from the rooftops and tears of joy. 2019 was a GIFT of all the hard work, dreams and manifestations that I had been working on for 8 years. It was everything I thought I needed and more.
However, 2019, kept us running. I realized in early in December that I was exhausted. Not the kind of exhausted where I just needed a good night’s rest (I probably needed that too), but the kind where you almost lose touch with who you are. Where your body and mind begin to get in cahoots together and begin to break you down and anxiety takes over. Where depression hits and you start to wonder, how on Earth you have have everything you have wanted and worked so hard for and yet you are are so sad.
Now don’t get me wrong, I know what depression and anxiety are, I know that I MADE THESE CHOICES, I am more grateful for last year and the experiences and opportunities that came through, than you can even imagine, and I fully welcome them forever and always. However, I had a small breakdown at the end of December and I just knew that it was because I was out of balance. I was working 80 hours a week, teaching and blogging and then I still had a family to take care of. I was so overwhelmed with what was on my plate, lack of sleep and pure joy (yes, you can be joyful and have anxiety and depression at the same time) that I was not able to manage my emotions properly…I was not actually taking care of myself.
I am a take charge person by nature. I have been working since I was 8 years old (yes, that is not a joke, we owned a family business, I handed out roller skates every Saturday and Sunday for years). I have almost always had multiple things and jobs happening all at once. Balancing schedules and tasks is a skill that I am usually REALLY good at. I hadn’t taken a weekend or really even a day off since February and although I enjoy being on the go and busy, it was taking a silent toll that I wasn’t even aware of. With my choice to be “here for it” I forgot that I needed to be here for me too. I needed to give myself some time and I needed to make sure that the things that kept me mentally healthy were taken care of. I was out of balance, and my mind, body and soul were screaming at me.
The winter break hit me like a ton of breaks. I wasn’t just teacher tired, I was unbalanced and I needed to re-evaluate things. I told myself that I wouldn’t write unless I felt like writing. I wouldn’t post on social media unless I wanted to and that from here on out, I won’t be doing every single thing because FOMO. I am a HUGE fan of Ed Sheeran and I think a lot of is that we have similar work habits. We just pour ourselves into everything we do, we give of ourselves so damn much and we love to make people happy. After the release of his Multiply album, Ed took some time out of the spotlight and took care of himself (and his wifey too), it was unheard of, but it was a solid move for him. He came back with the Divide album which is incredible and then walked away for another hiatus after leaving us with his No. 6 Collaborations.
I stepped back this last month more than I have in years. I needed to find my balance, I needed to figure out how to best take care of myself so that I can take care of my relationships and I needed to just breathe. I started this blog as a way to share our life, the ups, the downs and the “holy shit is this real life” moments and we have done just that, but I haven’t taken time to write posts like I am doing right now. Posts where I am able to pour my heart out and to really reflect. Writing is therapeutic for me. So here I am, it’s 2020 and I am finding that balance. I am refocusing, I am still going to write, I am still going to work with brands that I love, I am still going to go whenever and wherever we can as a family, but I am also going to make sure that I am taking care of the things that keep me grounded and focused.