I’ve always said the following about the genders of my children, “God just loves me so he will only gives me boys because I have already raised my share of teenage girls.” Its always been a super big joke, but part of me just believed that I would just be a great “boy mom.”
You see I used to coach high school cheerleading and I just love my girls, they are still my girls even though they are in their 20’s now and are getting married and having children as well, and hey I like to think I helped raise them to be respectable amazing young women. The drama and tears and fears that my girls and I worked through (and occasionally still work through), were tough, but necessary. I do not regret those days, those tough conversations, the hours on the phone or after practice problem solving, this hysterical conversations and the love. I love my girls, they know this, I have always told them they are my children, and I always will.
Regardless, my girls, my friends, my family, my students and pretty much anyone else that would ask me about baby gender would get the quote above with a slight giggle. When we found out Eyan was a boy, I was ecstatic. I had always wanted a little boy, I knew my dad and my husband were going to just be elated and what an amazingly cool experience it was going to be shaping my baby boy into a young man. Secretly though, I morned the adorable clothes, mommy daughter days, cute accessories and even those tough teenage years I would have if I had a daughter. I am so close to Eyan, he is my world, my everything and I have never known love like I know with him, and would NEVER trade him for anything.
But girls scare me. The attitudes, the clothes, the teenage years; Oh God does it just terrify me. So I was completely ok with this little one being another little boy. After all, I have EVERYTHING for a little boy; Eyan would have a little brother to play and wrestle with and when they get bigger, Mommy might have more selfish time for herself to go shopping, and the nail salon and whatever crappy girl thing I think is necessary in my life. So when I hinted that I had a pretty good guess at what the gender of baby 2 was, I was hinting towards BOY! The doctor that took a peek at my 16 week check said that she saw a penis and tried to show me what she saw, but I will tell you my little baby was so so so crazy that I couldn’t hardly tell what was the head, hand or stomach. So how she saw a penis I have no clue, because apparently it was just the umbilical cord. That is why I waited to announce what baby #2 was until we were sure.
So yesterday, I went in terrified to my high risk ultrasound, fearful of getting terrible news that baby was not healthy or had birth defects. I was prepared for that news, prepared for taking classes on how to care for a child with disabilities and just researching. I was prepared for that. So when it came time to take a look at the gender, the doctor asked us what we thought, I of course said boy (the other doc already told me and seriously how could you mistake a penis?). Jason said girl and the doctor said he would put on the screen what he thought and sure enough “Its A GIRL!” popped right up and I looked at my husband in pure shock. I was NOT prepared for that…but I was secretly hoping and literally praying for a little girl. You see I was fine with it being another boy until they said boy and then I just really mourned that little girl again. Not that I was going to be sad or ungrateful for the amazing gift God was allowing me to bring into the world, just that I was mourning for a little bit. I know its common, I have talked to MANY women who feel the same, so its just a normal process. So when they said GIRL, I had to hold back the happy tears, I had to have the doctor check the gender 4 more times, even today I am still in disbelief and will seriously have them check at every appointment possible.
I know people are wondering, I know my friends and family have heard my stupid joke about only having boys and some have already asked a little fearful of my answer, but I am over the MOON excited to be the mommy of a little girl! Of course those fears of raising a teenage daughter are always going to be there, but we will deal with that when it comes and my parents raised some damn good girls so I will raise my children the same way, with the same expectations and the same goal oriented attitude that I was raised with. My hubby agrees with this.
I have had this nursery and ideas of baby girl and brother/sister and mommy/daughter stuff pinned on Pinterest and in my mind for years. I have only had little girl names picked out. I am elated to bring some girly stuff into my life again, and most of all a HEALTHY little GIRL into our family. I am elated to show her the love and family that she has and help her to grown into an amazing women, much like my cheer girls have. I have raised teenage girls and they turned out damn good, so really, I’ve got this. I am ready to be this baby girls mom, best friend and confidant!
PS: Just because I am in such disbelief I will still be washing some of Eyan’s newborn clothes and not getting rid of any of it until She arrives and is definitely a SHE!