Depression has its ups and downs. These last couple weeks have been a whirlwind of those. There are days that I wake up and I am ready to face the day. I get showered and dressed and I attack the day head on. Yesterday was one of those days. I worked a full day and came home and cleaned my entire house, did laundry, cooked and spent time with my sweet babies.
Then there are days like today. Today, I didn’t want to get dressed. I didn’t want to face the demands of the day. My students needs didn’t seem important. My own children’s education was not something I cared to worry about. All I wanted to do was sleep off this depression. Still I pushed through and I am at work, teaching, my kids are off to school and I am procrastinating with grading.
The thing is, I am not actually sad about anything in particular. Nothing friends. I am just overall having a day that I feel off. These come and go and somedays they are overwhelming, but I am learning that dwelling in that is not healthy for me. I have to get up and I have to get going.
It is probably the weather change here in Colorado. Beautiful weather yesterday and then gloomy skies and cold today. Maybe it is that I constantly feel tired and I pretty much gave up coffee. Maybe it is the 10 extra pounds that I just can’t get rid of that are exhausting to carry around. Maybe I just need a personal day. I don’t really know, but I do know that today is not my day, but that doesn’t mean that I just give up.
I have been reflecting a lot on the turmoil of last year in our lives. I was doing our taxes and was in shock at how truly lucky we were to make it through last year and still so blessed that we were able to provide a safe, comfortable life for our kids. On days like today, I remind myself that everyone is physically healthy, we have a beautiful loving home, we have food, we have careers that we both truly enjoy, we have each other. Yup, that last one. I do not need anything else, just those people.
On another note, the dog is a profession tripod. She is recovering so well and is starting to become more playful and silly again. She had her staples out last week and the vet says she has healed well. We won’t know if the cancer has actually spread until well, we know. At this point, we have taken away her massive tumor and pain and we have our pup back (minus all that hair lol) and she is definitely back. She is stealing the kids food, begging for ice cube treats, enjoying being outside and wandering around, trying to go in the car every chance she gets and eating up all the belly rubs and snuggles she could ask for. Dog life is good.
|Even with 3 legs, she will not stop moving…blurry photos for days|
Marriage life is good. We have spent more time together and are communicating more. We are still working on us, but truthfully I finally feel like we are both leaning on each other for strength and are becoming that strong unit that our family needs. I love this man, he loves me and we are going to get through all of this.
The kids are amazing. Our oldest is kicking butt in school and has the sweetest heart. His teacher shared with me that he is honest and sweet with a cute little story (too long to share here). He has been working on pushing off when he is roller skating and is currently obsessed with Stampy Cat and DanTDM on Youtube and Minecraft, although Lego’s are a close second.
The peanut is challenging. She has a lot of opinions right now. She truly thinks that she can just tell us what to do and we should listen and she is always full of an excuse. Those excuses led to her toys being bagged up because “it was too much to clean up”. She will earn them back, but for now we are learning lessons on listening when asked the first time.
|Cheese! Crazy hair don’t care|
She still dresses up in all the costumes and princess dresses all the time and when I ask her questions her answer is now “Probably, yes.” She is also taking dance classes (OMG I CANNOT WAIT TO SHARE THIS POST BTW), and is doing really well. She really likes it and practices at home and shows her daddy all her dance moves.
So, what I am saying is that even if you are battling this depression demon, try to reflect on the goodness and happiness. Try to find the good in something daily and create your purpose. Love to you all!