So tonight as I am utterly exhausted from what I can only guess is a growth spurt, where my patience and body is wearing thin, I have to remind myself, these are the last moments I will have where she is so tiny and needs me for everything. Some nights the thought of “I never get to do this again so cherish this” keeps me going.
Emberlynn completes our family. I get the comments of “one of each, how lucky, what a perfect family” all the time. I’m reminded by Jason that he will be getting “fixed” soon. My mom tells me that the most scary thing she ever witnessed was my labor and delivery with Eyan and that I don’t need to chance my life for another baby. All of those comments are correct and so I sit here and just breathe in that new baby smell. I take in all her little features and snap a million pictures, I hold her every chance I can because this is the last little baby that will be mine.
We fought so hard to get here; to get this “perfect family.” Lost so many loved ones and gained a deeper appreciation for life. 2011 was by far one of the hardest years of my life culminating in the second pregnancy loss that Jason and I had experienced. 2012 surprised us with Emberlynn’s pregnancy that was by my standards “perfect.” She is a great baby and so regardless of how tired or grumpy I am, I will take in these moments, her features, the sweet snuggles and the way she stares at her big brother. How her first real smile was caused from Eyan kissing her head. My last baby and these last moments are what I live for!