All this anticipation and desperation to have the miscarriage end came to a culmination yesterday morning. The internet and my first miscarriage led me to believe that if I was going to have a natural miscarriage again that it was just going to be some heavy cramping and bleeding. I wasn’t too worried as the first miscarriage I had was just that, some heavy cramping and bleeding. I had made an appointment for today to have the D&C, expecting to have the weekend to recover and not expecting for the never-ending miscarriage to actual end.
Let me remind you that through all this, I have been sick with the plague flu. It’s no joke, this flu made me vomit every 10-15 minutes for almost 12 hours straight and the only thing that stopped it was a wonderful shot from the doctor and some pretty heavy medication. Still at this point I have not really eaten anything since Sunday night.
This miscarriage was nothing like the first. This miscarriage was basically labor. Blood literally poured out and the contractions were hard enough that I could not talk through them. It was rough, I was scared and I didn’t want anyone to see me going through this. My husband did everything I asked him to do and was great, but I needed to be alone. Within 3 hours and a few really rough contractions everything passed and the bleeding slowed to normal. I got some sleep and cried a bit and prayed. The tricky part to all of this is that I am still at risk for infection and until I have more blood work done, this whole situation is not over.
I don’t know if I could go through this again. I don’t know if I want to even chance this again. I do know that I think I would rather go through the 5 minute D&C with drugs, then what I did yesterday.
Emotionally I am doing surprisingly ok. I think the almost 8 weeks I had to prepare for this really was helpful. I don’t wish this on any person and please know that if you go through this, I am here for you! I am an open book and very willing to share my full story and all the gory details if you just ask.
I hope my chronicling of this has/will help someone and I know it has helped me heal. I don’t really know who reads this…I don’t think it matters. I write for me, I write for peace, I write to clear my head and I know that my outlet has been very good therapy.