Well I sure do!
Lately my beautiful little baby boy seems to hate his mother, and I am struggling with this as a first time mother. Eyan is the typical spoiled toddler and only child at this point. He throws tantrums and is teething (F-U Canine teeth!) and is a picky eater and is always loud. I love him, don’t get me wrong, but there have been days where all I wanted to do was go back to a time before I had kids, before I was so busy and when life was simple. I have had a few more of those days lately.
Eyan is hitting me, and I am sure at this point that he hates his mother. He sometimes just walks up to me and slaps me in the face because he wants candy–*thanks mom*. It is like his way of getting attention. I have no idea what to do with this. I have tried ignoring it, fake crying, spanking, time-out and sternly speaking to him. Nothing has helped. I have no clue what to do and I just feel shitty.
Sunday night was by far the worst in a while. I had been up early with the baby Sunday morning, and spent all day playing and hanging out. He was quite tantrumy and his teeth have really been bothering him. My mom wanted to run to a dept store to do some shopping at around 7 Sunday night and we were planning on taking Eyan. When we started to get in the car he lost his mind and would not let us buckle him in the seat, so I grabbed him and put him back in the house and told my husband to get him ready for bed, I would be home in a little bit. My wonderful hubby did just that and when I got home a little later, Eyan was “sound” asleep in his room. I went in to check on him and then jumped in the shower and started to prepare for my week. About 40 mins later Eyan started crying, I went in and soothed him and he went back to sleep. This happened over and over again until I finally gave in around 11:30 pm (I have to be up at 5 for work) and brought him into bed. That was a huge mistake, everytime he rolled or moved or I moved or Jason moved he just started crying and kicking (very very hard). At 2:30 I had it. I was so tired and so tired of the “beatings” my child was giving me. I literally have 20 bruises on my legs from him kicking me so hard. I picked him up, began to cry and tell him that I was sorry and I didn’t know what he wanted. He just needed to stop, and mommy needed to sleep. I told him that enough was enough and he was sleeping in his bed. I placed him in his bed, gave him his sippy cup and went to lay down. He screamed bloody murder for a good 2 minutes before I couldn’t take that anymore and finally woke my husband up and made him help me. Jason got more milk for Eyan and I picked him up and rocked him to sleep. Finally at 3:15 my house was quiet and I was bawling and unable to go to sleep.
Yesterday, Eyan was apparently wonderful for his grandma and Jen and when I got him he became a tantrum throwing, hitting toddler again who continued to just hit on my every nerve and my lack of sleep from the night before. I am at my wits end with this behavior! HELP people!
The second part to my shitty person is that I wronged a friend totally accidentally and I think I got her in trouble at work. Man do I feel awful, I care a lot about my friendships and I value them and to think that I made her think that I was sneaky and untrustworthy is awful. It was a total accident and although her husband assured me that it was not a big deal, I totally feel like I messed things up between all of us. I hope that they understand that I never ever meant to mess up things with her.
The last part is that I have been feeling the need to allow my hormones to say whatever they want to my husband. Although he totally understands my insane state as of right now I know that some of what I say doesn’t come across right and that I really need to be aware of how I approach certain situations.
So there it is…I am a terrible mommy, friend and wife right now. My insanity has a good reason, but boy I cannot wait until I return to normalcy.