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Hysterectomy Day!

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Warning:  I am going on a rant about the hysterectomy, which is all in good humor, but I decided to include some photos that although they are drawn images, some folks might not like.

Today in about 2 hours I will be at the hospital prepping for my hysterectomy.  I should be showering and packing bags for my kids in case they need to stay overnight and running to get dog food because of course we are out and I wont be able to lift that 50 lb bag of food when I hopefully get home tonight and this puppy would never forgive me. Who could blame her.

Obviously none of that is happening.  My house is clean, the laundry is done, the kids are sleeping in by some miracle, and surprisingly I am not starving and ready to kill someone for food.  Likely after I am done writing this post I will take care of some emails and social media stuff and then I will go get my shower on.  It will look something like this.  Basically I have to pre-scrub and sanitize before they likely cover my entire body in a huge sheet of iodine and stab holes in me.  Too much 😜?

Did you know that my instructions say to specifically wash my belly button really well with this stuff.  
I am pretty worried about my belly button, I like it and am pretty attached to it…unlike that horrible uterus.

I am not very nervous.  I have never gone under general anesthesia before so that is a bit worrisome, but I also do not care to be awake while they take some robots and stab them into my body to tear out my mean ol’ uterus.

I was worried about the pain and still am slightly, but many people have told me that the laparoscopic pain is not that awful.  I do have to remember that I have had 2 kids cut out of me and a had to take care of them while taking care of myself.  However, I hear that the gas pain is pretty dang awful, so that sounds fun.  Can’t wait to be inflated like a balloon with CO2 and then have that gas try to escape but not really have an easy exit if you know what I mean.  Likely, I wont be pleasant to be around, but I also wont have a uterus that hates me either or a period ever again.

Yeah…no, I am not nervous.  I am so darn excited (aside from the gas pains, there is no excitement there).  I am ready to not chance becoming anemic again, to not be making so much blood and losing it all so quickly for such long periods of time.  I am ready to not have to plan my outfits around my hateful uterus.  I am ready to stop purchasing stock in feminine products.  I don’t care if I cant eat until tonight, or that I will have some stab wounds and gas pains.  After this afternoon, I get my life back and you know what, that is pretty damn awesome!

Adios you terrible, horrible, mean uterus.  You did your job and got my babies here, but were done, this isn’t working out anymore and it is time for both of us to move on.


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