So we are about a week out from being 7 months old…and still waking 4-7 times a night. I am a mess. I can’t pull my shit together at home or at work and am clearly a much worse teacher this year then ever before because frankly I just don’t have the energy to fight the battles that I normally would die on a mountain for.
I am exhausted and Eyan barely gets my attention as I am just trying to stay afloat at home so I keep moving, cooking, cleaning, holding the baby that just won’t.stop.crying. I hardly sit until it’s time to fight the bedtime battle and then it’s war. Eyan is being placed in front of the TV much more then I would ever like him to be and I am just trying not to lose my damn mind.
Oh you’ve met my well behaved children who never seem to cry? You don’t get what I’m talking about because she seems so happy whenever you see her? Well that’s because she hates me and puts on a strong front in front of strangers, but ask my husband, mom or Jen and you will soon find out that she is fussy, bossy and a very hard headed little girl. This I can assure you and well I just cannot do this much longer.
I never let Eyan really cry it out. I felt like it was so cruel, so lonely and so wrong. Guess who was wrong? Yeah, me…
I’ve now been slowly working this CIO method, going in at some stupid intervals to try and train my kid that sleep is a good thing and self soothing will be better for her in the end. Believe me when I tell you that all her basic needs are met and that I’m not just starting with the CIO method. I’ve usually been up to nurse her between 3-5 times prior with a diaper change or two in there. This whole CIO thing happens after I have tried every other option, short of drugging the poor kid (which I will not ever do)! So after a week of the interval crap not working at all, this evening I just gave up and here I sit crying in the hallway outside her door refusing to go in because after much discussion with my pediatrician, it looks like she is just not an “interval” baby and we’re going to have to go “cold-turkey.” Cold-freaking-turkey! Do you even know how hard that is when you loath this method anyway?
It’s been an hour of on and off screaming, whining and random babbling that sounds like she is pissed (because clearly she is). I am sitting outside her door listening to her every sound freaking out that she is not okay and that I am doing the wrong thing, hoping that in two to three nights of this, it will get easier and she will learn to sleep better and be a happier baby.
Pray people…just pray. I need a miracle, some willpower and for her to know that I love her so much regardless of our sleeping chaos.