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On Loss and OCD

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If you have been following along for any amount of time to my little piece of the interweb, you have probably gathered that we have experienced far too much loss in our lives.  One of those that I pray to avoid pretty much every single waking moment of my life is the loss of one of MY children.  It is probably the single most selfish thing I pray for daily and at the same time am so terrified of losing my babies that I just cannot even process living without them.

This is a common emotion for most parents.  I think this fear is very real.  As a parent I am totally a realist with my kids.  I explain to Eyan exactly how people can be bad or that cars will hit and kill you. Sometimes I am too blunt with him, but he also knows and has a plan for pretty much any crazy scenario that I can think of to teach him to avoid (fires, strangers, streets, predators, wild animals, etc.). This little “tick” is one of the characteristics of OCD. The “obsessive” portion specifically.  I have been completely criticized for the urge and need that I have to completely protect and prepare my young children for any “worst case scenario”.  I am ok with that.  Very ok.  My kid(s) know how to react to a situation, even if they will never ever encounter it because I hover.  I quiz Eyan on his name, my number, our address, Jason and I’s real names, how to react when a toy goes into the road or if someone you do not know comes up to you and tries to take you somewhere or even who to find when you are lost.  We are currently working on the issue of people that are not strangers or pretend they know us and are really bad people.

Eyan can literally tell me all of that and more.  This summer I plan to have a fire/tornado evacuation plan set as well.  Right now I have my own personal one to get both kids, the dog and even the fish to safety in less then 2 minutes (NO JOKE).

Having OCD is difficult.  It is hard not to obsess over every sad news story or possible threat to my family or the world as a whole.  My best defense is being prepared and sometimes it is the only thing to calm me and my incessant worries.

A few dialogs I have with Eyan are below:

Me: Eyan what happens if you are playing in the front yard and your toy goes into the road?E: I get a grown up.
M: What if there is no grown up around?
E: I let it get ran over
M: What if it is your most favorite toy in the whole world?
E: I still let it get run over.
M: That is right because I will buy you an even bigger and better toy if you stay out of the road!

(This discussion took place after I read the heartbreaking story of #RedballoonsforRyan)

Me: Eyan what happens if we are in a store and you get lost?
E: I find another mommy with kids and tell them my name and your name.
M: What if a stranger approaches you and grabs you?
E: I yell “your not my mommy/daddy”
M: Do you fight them?
E: Yes, bite, scratch, scream, punch and hurt them.

(This discussion evolved from an experience I personally had of two woman trying to literally abduct myself and my sister when we were little)

I know that these are worst case scenarios, and believe me I am not purposely trying to raise a fearful child.  In fact Eyan is far from fearful, he is aware!  Awareness is something we can all teach our children.

Till next time I decide to share my vulnerabilities (you know like next week or tomorrow).


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