I know people. I know I said I was going to get things back to normal. I know that I have a heaping pile of reviews and giveaways and birthday party details and kid updates to share. I. Just. Can’t.
My mind is a mess. I go from being completely ok, to an incredible mess of a person with no focus and complete anger and irrational decision making happening. I have no clue how to pull myself together. Just when I think I am ok, I look at my kids beautiful eyes and lose it. I cannot fathom losing them, I am afraid of missing moments. I have no clue how to get pass this.
Grandma was older, she had lived a life and she was sick. Her death is hard for me.
My friend was 25, the father of 1.5 (baby on the way) and was completely healthy. His death is devastating me…and everyone I hold dear.
There is nothing but sadness in my loved ones eyes, and I just can’t get pass that.
I am at work missing moments with my children, and I just can’t get pass that.
I cannot focus, I almost don’t care (aside from the fact that deep down I really do care), I have no clue how to do anything without appreciating everything.
I know my friend and his family are struggling harder than I am. However, my sister made mention one time that “everyone has a different relationship with the same person and therefore we grieve different loses differently.”
I know I will get back to it, I know I will create a new normal. I just hate that I even have to. I hate that my friend will never get that chance and I hate that I am missing moments.
Debbie Tom
Wednesday 5th of March 2014
your friend is right, grief and death is different for each of us. Be good to yourself and don't rush through this grief process it won't work. My children and I have had our fair share of loss, their father/my husband and then the devastating loss of both my parents. You can read some of my story on my about page at my blog. I only share these things with you so that you know you are exactly where you are. It is not good or bad. Give yourself all the time you need. Loss never leaves us, we just learn to deal with it differently over time. I will be thinking of you and your family and your friend's family.